I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
