i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
