she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
