My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
ttyl tear gas
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize