Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
