But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
