You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
