Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize