Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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