how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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