I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
