its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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