Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
