You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You can't just leave with hair like that
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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