you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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