so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
