so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
