If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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