omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
