why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
