We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am naked and annoyed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
