He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
