you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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