How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
