I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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