i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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