Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
