Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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