So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
