Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
