apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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