he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
