Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The air was thick with penises
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
