I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
