I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
