You just made me feel so damn special
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
