I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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