You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
