At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize