You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
