Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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