38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
