well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
