We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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