I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
