Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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