sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
