yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Pants are for mortals
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
