i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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