I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
