I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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