i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
