If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize