so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
