We're facebook friends in real life
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
