I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
