I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize