Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
