You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
