I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize