I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
