Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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