I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
