So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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