Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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