I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
