i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
