And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
