i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize