I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
