he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
