Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
