Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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