The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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