Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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