i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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