All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
