I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
