so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just threw up on my dentist
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
