You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
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