i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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