I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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