It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
