At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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