I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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