I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
