So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im holly from the hills drunk
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
