party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
