so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
