how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dignity is for republicans.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
