He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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