she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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