Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
